June 26, 2017

I want the rain to forever pour down and gulp me up until I’m wet, so wet, I would weigh five times heavier, and I’d be sucked down and hugged by the cold soft soil; I would daydream in it, careless about time and people and everything else, and dear God I promise I would be the happiest thing alive.

*

Today was raining lots and lots I almost wished I could play in the wet damp earth, getting myself soaked from head to toe. Just thinking of it relieved some stress I guess, and of course I forgot to bring back my umbrella from school. Mom was so upset.

I hadn’t eaten anything today – again. I’ve been starving myself for so long I can’t even differentiate hunger from nausea anymore. I hope I don’t sound too creepy. The upcoming exams would have everything to do with my loss of appetite.

 

6:55 PM

June 22, 2017

Having a hard time focusing. Final Exams are in two weeks. 

*

We’ve just finished our last three periods of Microprocessor. Just last week we moved on to external interrupts, and I had a hard time getting myself on track. I got a lucky grade of a 100 on today’s evaluation, but I’d really have to spend some more time practicing.

Physics II is such a captivating subject I dearly adore. It’s very attractive – enchanting, almost, all the theories and the beauty of the finest equations.

Acing Calculus. Grueling, but I guess it’s rewarding enough.

*

Feeling so blue and gray and pale and dark. Definitely the exams are stressing me out. There should be a word to coin this tiresome distress. Something like examinautiousness could work. Sounds disgusting enough.

 

04:07 PM

Pale Blue Dot

” Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

 The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

 Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

 The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

 It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

– Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994